Sometimes our rhythm becomes a cyclicality, then it becomes a closed circle, and the Lord has to intrude into our zones, in order to break this cyclicality. Certain philosophers go even further – they call it happiness of serenity, when you don’t bother about tomorrow, because it’s been calculated, it’s predictable and it is good – it has no dangers, no novelties, no risks. Many people try to escape risks today, but why? Why not make friends with risks? We anyway take risks every day as we cross the road, make a phone call that requires courage, or even now I take a risk of being not understood and rejected…
We all try to escape sufferings, no one likes to suffer. Someone said that the two of the most powerful things that can hit you through are tragedy or grief and beauty – that is interesting. No one can stay indifferent towards beauty. And the Scripture says that His work is glory and beauty. In other words, God creates beauty, He makes everything beautiful and He makes beautiful things.
Christian asceticism denies beauty as a cause for lust or passions, as a way to sin, fall and perish. Why should it be so? Jesus Christ had no form nor comeliness, but He had nor an abominable character. I think He had a most wonderful character and inside. Jesus Christ had and amazing soul and as for His appearance, well the standards of beauty change. I am not sure if Ruth or Esther would meet modern beauty standards. They may say to Esther today, “you are too shy, too closed”. I think that when Jesus opened His mouth He spoke beauty.
So most of us fear suffering, subconsciously, then consciously. Fears, big or small scare me, and I fear to remain offended. I am so scared when they offend me, and I am afraid they will offend me again. And in every case when I remain offended I try to make things look so that they were unfair, and I was fair. If we get free from these paradigms, we can reach levels, when we are no longer fear suffering. Imagine what a freedom! What a different life quality when you are not afraid!
Think of what stands in the way for you to live freely? What are you afraid of? Perhaps it’s not there? And what stands behind this fear is not, but you’ve made it up in your imagination? But you behave as if you are supposed to get rescued from it. But the more I try to escape suffering, the more I suffer myself, because I have to always keep running away.
Let’s say you have an even life, you have good health, which is really valuable, a few houses and cars – whatever is so desirable for people today – this is still a low life quality. With the time you watch diseases get near you, people you have to communicate with are more difficult the higher you get, there are fewer and fewer of them the closer you get to the top of the pyramid. The dangers also grow up – the higher you rise, the more dangerous it is to fall.
And here is another kind of life – a man is on the verge of despair, and he is always on the verge of despair. He has a completely different life quality – he lives. All his emotions are strained and maximum unveiled. His prayer is passionate, he is quick to get out of his bed; he is attentive, he is sharp and quick, he responds; he is not lazy, not heavy or flaccid – he lives!
So these stereotypes of ours of things we should strive for to the top – you’ve got to be careful with that, perhaps you lean the ladder to the wrong wall. It will take years to climb up to the top, but you will realize that there’s no place for you there – you’ve leaned to the wrong wall.
Someone said that perfect hope dwell on the verge of despair. Where can you find perfect hope, when there’s no need to hope? If you are well why should you hope? All things go well, slow and very boring, nothing happens. Your flesh lives content, but your spirit earns and longs.
And we must know our limits and borders. A man who’s never been at his own limits doesn’t know himself. But how can you release yourself to the limits if you are afraid to suffer? If you don’t know yourself in either function, you know nothing, because you know life only through yourself. You can know life only through experience, not through books. Therefore, do not seek a life without problems, and do not think that’s a good life. And do not think that life with problems or risks is a bad life.
Do you see how you are liberating from all those things and fears are leaving, and you become free like an eagle in heaven! You are not afraid of tomorrow or after tomorrow.
How can one yield himself to the Way? Here is the way, you know it’s good and right, but you can’t… You keep fleeing, betraying and turn out in some other place. Your head is in heaven, but your feet are in hell, your hands are in the underworld. So how to yield yourself to the way? – Through self-giving. But first you need to learn to be yourself. If you don’t become yourself, how can you know or comprehend anything, when you haven’t done even this?
If we don’t possess this, we do not have it. We may think we have it, but don’t. We need to possess.
If you take sonship. A son doesn’t have to strain to be a son, whether he sleeps, makes mistakes or heavy trespasses. He is a son, and he doesn’t have to fight for that, it’s not from him, it’s from above, it’s providence. And a father loves his son because he is the father, and he is the son – that comes first, all the rest comes second.
And “you have fullness in Him”, because He gave us this fullness, not because e we earned it or obtained it. But we have it because He opened an access to this bridge and we transit into the city of treasures, by faith and obedience.
There’s a softer notion than suffering – discontent, we all know what it means to be discontent, be it with breakfast or conversation, or gathering, with yourself, with your school mark, salary car, living place… So you live discontent.
But how can one obtain rest in the very center of discontent? You can! You can turn times of depression and despair into new beginnings and renewals. As soon as you are content with life, life runs out of its pleasure.
If to speak of love, it can be slow in flow, there’s respect and observing the rules, faithfulness – that is all good. You say, you love God… – Yes, but where is passion? But when you are in love, there’s always passion. There’s a difference in loving and being in love – passion. I think the Lord wants us to stay in love with Him. A person in love always romanticizes and admires and adores, and to carry this being in love through the whole life is the hardest labor.
And amidst all this discontent we can learn to sail in this flow of life, through our staying in love, accelerate or slow down, and work with the speed of life again. This allows us to squeeze and stretch the time, make time leaps. For instance, stay forever young inside. It’s so wonderful to stay young inside, and it’s so bad to get old before time. Inside myself I feel this young man that never changes, and when I allow him to be himself, then life is more fun.
We speak of contemplation. Many people try to do it for years, but they can’t. I tell you one secret – you can truly contemplate only when you are yourself, when you are fully accepted; through the absolute acceptance of yourself in God and by God, and your assurance that you’ve been accepted.
One of the biggest and hardest goals is to become yourself, you get there and find yourself holy.
Spiritual life is given to us. We can choose to live either by flesh, or by the natural man – based on relationship and feelings; Intellectual life – dwell in the environment and sphere of thoughts and force your spirit to function through thoughts. Do not torture your spirit. Let your thought function in obedience to the spirit as the spirit of mind, which rules.
I’ve shared this story, when Bob Sorge came here, I went up to him during the meeting and said, “Brother, pray for me”. He went on his knees, took my hands, laid them on his head and said, “No, you pray for me”. My brothers saw this. We embraced each other, and I felt I had found a man whom I should meet in heaven. He also heard and knew the same. We parted, but this was a divine connection. I returned to my seat as I was drunk with this heavy oil.
You will do such things, when you are yourself, not the way you should, but the way you are. And this is holy. Namely because I stepped over these thresholds and keep doing it, that we have miracles. Not in even attendance of churches and gatherings, but namely through prevailing over obstacles, barriers and limits.
We need humility, and not that you just behave like that, but humility in your deep. Greatest freedom dwells in humility. You allow God rule you. You allow circumstances to come the way the highest Providence desires it. You don’t rush to change what has to happen on its own.
As long as you defend your own significance before this world, you won’t be able to obtain rest of your soul, but you will keep fighting for your own significance. Those who say you need higher education, do you know at least what you need it for? You keep fighting, you have this worldview that you must fight, you must be someone before others – then you receive it and what’s next? Disappointment. And you have to spin it again and again until in this oblivion you make it to the top.
As long as you compare yourself with others you won’t find spiritual joy. It’s like trading non-reality, things that are not there yet, but you trade them.
When you have these things inside – this is the living word. It’s not what you caught through revelation, but it dwells inside you and is part of you. As it’s written, God is my part, part of my soul, that’s living.
It is also very important to understand that to be grateful is good in the eyes of the Lord. And we should examine ourselves, whether I am grateful for what I have. To know God in everything that is given to me. All that I have good and blessed is given by God personally to me. To be conscious of the gifts, to be conscious of God in all things given to us. Every inhale and every exhale is a gift. When you contemplate, contemplate this, think of Scripture places. Contemplate God’s glory both inside and outside, and understand that you’ve personally been given a gift. Every inhale is a gift, every exhale is grace. Gratitude carries grace unmeasured, and gratitude is never without response. If you are grateful, God will thank you for your gratitude. If you are grateful to a man, you will certainly receive. Gratitude accepts nothing with no admiration. A grateful heart admires the gift it received. Admire! Don’t miss even little things, but pay attention to them, you can gather them into one “basket” and explode with gratitude, release it to God. And release your delight! Thank the Lord with all your strength and get delighted about Him.
Gratitude stirs new miracles, it stirs our praise to God, His goodness. God is Good! My God is so Good! A grateful person knows by his own experience, with all his heart and soul.